Hi. I’m back.

(Before I deep dive any further, as promised, here is the links page for everything I recommend in this post. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own. Sadly, I'm still not getting paid for any of this.)

I’m not sure anyone noticed my hiatus, but I have been pushing myself to write a blog post for a few days now and couldn’t commit to sitting down to write one for various reasons. I have had the next few thoughts circulating in my head:

1. Does anyone read this and/or like it?
2. Should I give it up before I get too far in?
3. There are so many bloggers in the world already, do I need to add to the population?
4. Is this thing even on?

That, my friends, is anxiety talking.

Welcome to Mental Health Awareness Month. I do believe it should be recognized for longer than a month, but I digress on that topic.

Mental health is as important to discuss as your physical health is. Why don’t we take the time to talk about worries and fears about the future or the impact of the past?

I have anxiety. And (undiagnosed) seasonal depression.  

There, I said it. Now, maybe you can say it too? I’m here for you if you do.

Before I go any farther, I want to highlight that I have a page dedicated to mental health links and resources in case you need them. Please know there are people out there willing to help you through whatever is making you suffer mentally. I also would like to disclaim that I am in no way a professional on the topic of mental health. This post is merely to highlight some of my mental health issues that mostly focus on anxiety and seasonal depression. 

I am here for you, friend.

I work with farmers for my full-time job. Farmers are an isolated group of folks. They talk to animals likely more than they talk to humans. My job deals directly with their financial situation which can be a very anxiety-ridden topic to discuss. Luckily commodity prices have increased somewhat as of lately but that comes at a cost as well. Commodity prices will increase but so will input costs … and those are far slower to trickle back down as prices level off to a “new normal.”

Because I work in agricultural lending and was raised on a farm, the topic of mental health as it relates to farmers is near and dear to my heart.

One could say I'm passionate about the topic.

I participated in a Mental Health First Aid certificate provided by a local hospital a few years ago, at the epicenter of the depressed commodity prices and the height of farmer suicide rates and bankruptcy's.

It was a terrifying time to be an ag lender.

Through tough conversations and this certification I am dipping my toes into knowing what the right questions to ask are. I lean on several organizations for help and resources. One leading the charge in a big way is Wisconsin Farm Bureau Federation with their Farm Neighbors Care program. They are offering handouts on conversation starters, who to call for help, info on upcoming webinars, etc. 

For all these reasons plus many more I won't deep dive into or this will turn into a short novel, I have known for years that I need to do things that level me out, break the frustration, flush away the worries, and not carry all of my clients’ financial stresses on my shoulders at the end of a hard workday.

I tend to absorb emotions of others around me and try to fix people’s problems, often to my own detriment. 

Am I an empath? To be determined. 

Do I have a consistent routine I do daily to combat these mental health issues? I wish I could say I do have one that I am rock solid consistent with, but I can’t. I’ve learned the best thing I can give myself is GRACE. Every day is different for me on a work basis so why not align my personal time within that?

In the past few months, since the sun has been shining more (thank you spring, please don’t ever leave) I have been pretty routinely getting up at 6 am. In fact, I have a very hard time sleeping past 6 am most days. I find the solace and quiet of the morning when the rest of my house is sleeping the most peaceful time of the day. (Disclaimer: I don’t have a loud house to begin with and for an extrovert to admit to needing quiet time is BIG.)

During the summer of 2020 when the world was shut down, I bought myself a spin bike. That investment was the best decision I made all of 2020. Now I have a spin bike staring at me daily, in my living room, begging for a ride. 

I love it. I need that motivation staring at me daily.

So most mornings, I wake up at 6 am and creep on social media for a hot minute like everyone does. (FOMO or JOMO? IYKYK.)

And then I come downstairs, add oils to my diffusers (oils before coffee, always), start the coffee brewing and sit down on my meditation pillow 
in my living room. (I love this pillow but will admit I would also like a bigger one to put under it. I'm actively researching sewing patterns for this and may try to sew myself one, so I can sit up taller.)

I grab several books off my bookshelf which include:

 

Q&A a Day (365 questions, 5 years, 1,825 answers 

 

 

(I enjoy looking back at my answers over the years)

 

The Grass is Green Enough (A Guided Journal for Positivity & Fresh Perspectives) 

 

 (This guided journal can flip any bad mood)

 

 

The Little Book of Mindfulness (10 Minutes a Day to Less Stress, More Peace)

 

 (Helpful breathing exercises)

 

 

What’s on your Top 10 List?

 

 (Thoughtful journal prompts)

 

 

The Chakras Activity Book & Journal 

 

(A great chakra activity book to learn about the chakras)

(image has link from Knock Knock Stuff which is where I purchased it from but I did add the Amazon link as well)

I also pull a card from the Affirmators! Deck each morning which states an Affirmation I read *out loud* (quietly in the still of the morning) and let that resonate within me. I love this on on generosity I recently pulled. I know others have success with listing their daily affirmations on their bathroom window or on their desk where they will see it. Whatever works for you, works great! I love the randomness and realness of these cards. The creator of this appears to be hilarious. Check out the Knock Knock Stuff website for more hilarious content

If I’m feeling extra crunchy or maybe on a day where I gave myself some grace and did a shorter spin ride (or NO spin ride), I might take a few moments and color in this coloring book called You are Here, An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds

(The author of this coloring book has written several other books and I’m currently reading one. When I say she has dark humor, she has dark humor. I’m also reading on average 6 books at any given time ... don’t judge me.)

I want to love to color. I love the vibe of adult coloring books. However, keep reading for deep dark secrets regarding my penmanship and that’s why I don’t do it daily. I can’t color in the lines and sometimes coloring just plain hurts my wrists. Maybe I should do it more to exercise them?

I do always feel a fun saying on a coffee mug will get your day started the right way too, despite what's in your cup. I have a few wildly inappropriate coffee mugs that I love to use (definitely not Bob or Theresa approved.) You can obviously purchase funny mugs anywhere but I find the best one at Spa Serenity if you're local to south central Wisconsin    

      

I spend maybe 20 minutes going through each of these books. I have these adorable little magnetic bookmarks that I have had for years that keep my place, ready for the next morning. I wish I knew where I got them, but I have a similar set linked from Amazon. I love the vibe of the magnetic energy of them keeping my place in my self-reflection books. 

I feel writing my thoughts down on paper is very therapeutic to me, even though the content of each book is vastly different.

I dislike handwriting very much because I have poor penmanship and somedays, I think going back to kindergarten to re-learn to write would be better for everyone. Alas, I have found solitude in writing in these books daily, despite my handwriting complex.

That means something to me and my brain. I have lived almost 37 years with this brain and while it has tried to fail me a time or two, we are still in this thing called life together and I’m actively trying to understand what she wants. 

Also, the consistency of the matter is important to my mental health.

I try to give myself grace on days when I slept poorly the night before or had a really fun late-night celebrating (those days have been less often lately but here’s hoping for more in the future, post pandemic.) Or, if I was just feeling under the weather. Our entire lives we have been held up to this impossible standard to just GO, GO, GO. Live the rat race. Do better than that person over there. WHY.

My father has always told me “do what’s best for Alison.” Most of the times this statement came in a form of me chasing someone that probably didn’t want to be chased, in several variations of relationships through the years.

I have heard him say this COUNTLESS times in my life and only until recently I have started saying this to other people. (He also always tells me to slow down.)

Even more recently I have finally started saying this to MYSELF.

In fact, I always have several alarm clocks set on my phone and the morning alarm always says something “inspirational” so when my 6 am self reads it, wants to groan and go back to sleep I try to resist the urge. Also, fun fact, I have my favorite Reckless Kelly song as my alarm clock tune (if you have the standard alarm clock sound I give you props because that would give me murdery vibes first thing in the morning.  (Reprise of Wicked Twisted Road, highly underrated.) 

Most recently, the alarm clock message says “do what’s best for Alison” with a spin bike emoji, a yoga emoji and the hands in prayer emoji. (If you know me, I’m always setting alarms so I’m not late … because I have a hard time remembering things sometimes.)

See how easy I get off topic?

After I finish with the writing in my books, self-reflecting and staring off into my windows that face north and east watching the sun rise, I scroll through my workout app and decide which spin ride I’m going to do. I aim for 15-30 minutes, depending on how much time I have before I must log in to work or shower to leave for an appointment. I’m still working on allotting myself “extra time.”

I’m giving myself grace on knowing that ANY number of minutes working out DAILY is better than NOTHING.

That’s what I need for my mental health and anxiety relief. Workout for ANY number of minutes every day, talk to loved ones (sorry to Mom for the daily phone calls, they get progressively more frequent as stress of life increases), get some fresh air (thanks to Lexi, this happens on even the coldest Wisconsin days) and fingers crossed, see the sun.

Do I still have a large amount of anxiety for lots of reasons that don’t involve my job? Of course, show me a person who doesn’t struggle with anxiety in life or relationships whether they be a family member or a beloved friend.

I feel the pandemic did us all some good in the slowing down department, but it also blatantly showed the true colors of your relationships. It became pretty evident which relationships were going to survive with no in person contact … even though we live in a virtual world with more resources at our fingertips than ever before. The pandemic also brought about new relationships that I never saw as a possibility to develop.

It reminds me of a phrase – "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

The anxiety level increases and decreases as stressful and happy days come and go. Through the past 12+ months I have felt like I was just going through the motions. I was definitely out and about more than most with client visits (safely, of course) but I still to this day have a hard time with the pandemic, mask wearing, social distance and not seeing my friends and family.

Most recently, I have felt my fog somewhat lifted. 

I’ve found the joy in life again.

I’m taking more pictures than I have in years (might also be because I have a really great camera on my iPhone?)

I’ve re-gained the zest for crafting projects that I lost over the winter months. I’m actively adding Essentially Alison into vendor markets this summer that align with my personal schedule so I can maintain a balance.

I also want to grow Essentially Alison because as I mentioned in my first blog post, I feel all of these things in my life are ESSENTIALLY ME. That’s why I feel called to share them.

Once again, I'm not entirely sure this thing is actually ON but it feels REALLY good to share my thoughts and feelings with you. If you have thoughts or feeling you would like to share with someone, I can be that someone for you, confidentially of course.

Thank you for reading and once again a reminder I am not paid to endorse any self-reflecting items I’m sharing with you on this blog post and all thoughts and opinions are indeed my own.